over and over

I go back and read this blog and I can see that I KNOW the problem and I have been able to address it... but I loose my grip on it and I slip. over and over.

I was without weed for over a month.
I was not binging at night.
My weight dropped to just under 179 and I celebrated by getting weed and binging.
Night after night - I have been exhausted and grumpy.

I saw myself in photos and thought "NO that is NOT me!" But it was. I seem to THINK I am smaller than I am. Over and over. Even in a mirror I see a thinner me. Photos don't lie. I am officially a heffer.

Today I weigh 184.
I threw away all the damn candy and chips. I put the weed away. I ate right and drank water and worked with Ben on a flagstone patio.

I am a heffer. But damn it I am sick of it.
Over and over - I am sick of it